Are You A “Fixer”?

Do you notice a tendency in yourself to help people become unstuck despite their resistance to your help (or even despite their disinterest in solutions)? Do you send articles, YouTube clips, unsolicited advice? In other words, are you a "fixer"?

Wanting to assist others is a great and noble pursuit; wanting to fix or change others is ignoble. Even if you know and clearly see the best solutions for someone, it is a fool's errand to present them with these; people must often come to their own conclusions. Being asked for help on this journey is one thing (after all, that's what coaching is!), but offering guidance to those who are disinterested or unable to be in a receptive place is likely to be unsuccessful. And if you are repeatedly offering your viewpoint when others repeatedly present you with the problems they have no intention of solving, use this as information to help you with your enlightenment---others are only mirrors of our own self-concept, reflecting back to us our own current state.

What can you do? You can be supportive and offer to listen. You can provide ideas, only if asked (and accept it and disengage if those ideas are not utilized). You can step back and out of the picture to provide space for outcomes. If you persist in trying to help others who do not want or perhaps even need your help, you will accomplish nothing, and on top of it all, you will be exhausted. If the people you are attempting to help lack self-awareness and/or Self-Awareness, you are indeed the leader of a fruitless pursuit. Becoming a supporter is sometimes the healthiest thing.

Are you an attached "fixer"? Is it time to become a detached supporter instead?

(Note: This is an edited version of an original post on my Instagram page, @supportive_ly)